I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
