you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
