where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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