You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
