That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
