As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
