I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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