dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
