I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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