i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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