He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's blow job season.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize