How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize