he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
