Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize