every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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