...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
