Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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