you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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