NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
