Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
