is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
