I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She bit a glass in half.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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