Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
