Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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