I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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