the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
