did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
