I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
