Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm too high and old for this...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
