i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
