toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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