She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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