he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
