How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
