Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
