I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize