He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
