"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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