the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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