I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
