so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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