she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
