Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
