You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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