my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize