No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize