Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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