I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize