all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
