I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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