shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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