We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
