Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
sex in a hospital.. check
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
