I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize