What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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