Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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