i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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