i just sent this text using only my big toe
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
