Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
