Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
