You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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