so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
