This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
