I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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