Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
